I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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