Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
