She is in my trunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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