I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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