I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
