if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
