So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
