So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
