the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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