it hurts more in the daytime
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
