I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
