What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
