wanna go halves on a baby?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
