She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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