I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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