No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
