So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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