The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
