the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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