I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
