overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
