You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize