Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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