Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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