Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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