My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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