I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
