when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
