i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the day after is always just damage control
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
