Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
