my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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