Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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