well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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