Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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