Tell her she can't have a vagina
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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