tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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