Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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