I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
