Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
