I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
