I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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