She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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