my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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