I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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