best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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