just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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