I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
