The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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