sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
These tits shall not be calmed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
