if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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