Is it normal to miss your booty call?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
