on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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