I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am mentally ready for anal.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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