I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
