I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i would punch a child for taco bell
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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