who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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