you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
