She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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