And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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