stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
