I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
