just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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