I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
