Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
