your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
