I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize