hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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