are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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