we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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