why didn't you poke me back
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
