Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
