Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
